Tips for the Multitude: Taming the Clothing Monster

I have 9 (almost 10) kids.

And they are all REALLY close in age, and therefore size.

When I first married my husband, it was pretty easy to keep track of whose clothes belonged to whom.  I knew my own kids' clothes, and his 4 kids were all different sizes and thus easily sorted.

Then, as kids often do, they grew.

About a year ago I found myself confused about who had passed down which clothes, and I wasn't the only one!  The kids forgot what passed on or they thought that something would always belong to them even though they had grown out of it (mostly the younger set) and get all upset when a sibling was wearing what they thought was theirs.

I was frustrated.  They were frustrated.

So I came up with a system.

The Dot System.  (I can't be creative all the time...)

I thought some of you out there might also benefit from this system, so I'm here to share!

Here's how it works.

The oldest child of each gender gets one dot, adding one dot as you go down the line within the gender.  Generally speaking it's pretty easy to separate boys vs girls clothing.  (If you find there's a problem with a certain thing, say, jeans, you can either add a gender symbol on the tag or embroider a stripe of color to help you remember.)  You put the determined amount of dots on the tag or hem of each garment with a black permanent marker.  Nothing is exempt, though I try to be discreet with the dots.  Shirts, pants, skirts, dresses, even underwear and socks.  Sometimes it even goes to winter clothes and swimsuits depending on how confused we are.  Once everything is properly labeled, it's easy to sort!

Time to pass on the wardrobe to the next "generation"?  Easy peasy! Just add another dot, and you're ready to go.

So here's what it looks like right now in my house: (Stars represent dots)

* Elizabeth
** Julie
*** Katie
**** Mallie
***** Lorelai

* Kael
**Tristan
*** Layton
**** Joseph

This system has stood the test of time and several size changes. Joseph is a recent addition to the system, just because it was pretty easy to determine what was his until his socks needed to be bigger.  I still don't mark anything else.  But it sure saves me with the three older girls, the three older boys, and the two littler girls!  Whose is it? Check the dots! Wrong number?  Add one (or two)!  They can't argue with the dots like they can with size numbers.

Oh, and let me tell you, it saved Christmas!!  The kids ALL received new jammas, socks, and underwear, and a lot of it was VERY similar.  Even the jammies needed it, because I do not have the brainpower at this point to remember who received which ones. Solution? Dot them! Right out of the packages!  It went something like this: "Ooh! New underwear! Cool! Here, Mom."  Dot dot dot dot dot... "All yours!"  And then the socks and underwear were strewn all over the room.  No worries, just check the dots!  4 dots on something pink? Mallie!  3 dots on something navy blue or superhero? Layton! 2 dots on something boyish? Tristan! 1 dot on something frilly? Kael! No, I'm kidding. Elizabeth!  No worry, no stress.

There you have it! The dot system for keeping track of clothes in a large family.  Do you think it will work for you?  Any questions? Suggestions for improvement? Let me know in the comments!

The Country Bunny and Her Brood

Easter Sunday, our Relief Society President gave a lesson based on this book:

She did a fabulous job of relating it to this life and the Atonement in honor of Easter.

That's not what I took away best from her lesson, though. Sorry, Ashley!

The part that hit me most was where she teaches her little brood of 21 bunnies how to clean the house, cook, take care of themselves, and treat each other with respect. Here's one page:

 I don't have 21 kids, but I want that kind of order!  I pondered it the rest of the afternoon.  By evening, I had a plan.

I thought up 4 Helper jobs, one of which I can split up into three jobs for when all the kids are here; I came up with a list of things they should each do on their own every day; and I created a list of things that needed doing on a weekly basis.  I cut up one of those flexible fridge magnets that we get from every business ever created and glued each child's name on one piece.  Then I made a sign.  It looks like this:

What it looks like when everyone is here

What it looks like most of the time

<--personal day="" done="" every="" jobs="" p="">

<--important p="" question="">
<--weekly add="" chores="" everyone="" i="" may="" more.="" need="" one.="" p="" picks="" think="" to=""><--place current="" for="" in="" names="" not="" p="" rotation.="" the="">


Here's a description of each Helper's responsibilities:
Kitchen Helper: Empties dishwasher, fills it back up again.
Meal Helper: Sets table, clears serving dishes, wipes down table (all three meals).
Laundry Helper:  Does one load of laundry, start to finish, from washing to putting away.
Bathroom Helper: Swish the toilet (no cleaner), clear and swipe the counters, clear the floor.

Kitchen Helper is for all three meals when I have just four kids, and split up into three meals when I have more.

Part of getting dressed for bed is picking out clothes to wear for the next day.  They then place those clothes against the wall behind the dining room table so the clothes are accessible when the kids wake up in the morning.  To facilitate this, I made name plaques (marker on 8"x11" white paper in a sheet protector) for each child and posted them on the designated wall.

There were also some rules I established that aren't listed here, but I plan on posting them elsewhere soon.  Those rules are:

1) NO blankies, pillows, or animals out of the bedroom after breakfast.
2) Rooms must be clean before each meal.
3) Everybody helps clean up everything, without regard to ownership or who was playing with it. 

I am also working on a set of chores that they can do for money, like sort the sock bag and clean the patio door.

This week we had all the kids for Spring Break!  A perfect time to try my *evil* plan...Bwa ha ha ha...

Ahem.

Anyway, it started out great!  I introduced the plan to the kids on Monday at Family Home Evening.  There was no initial complaining.  I thought that showed promise.

I won't lie.  There was some grumbling on the first day of actually DOING the chores, but I think it helped that I was there doing it with them, and that almost everyone had a chore to do. (I only have 6 helper jobs at most, so two kids get a "weekend" from chores.)

I was actually surprised by how many of them were excited to do their chores!  I'm not kidding!  "I love to do laundry!" came out of at least two mouths, and "Hooray, I'm the meal helper!" was almost universal.  They took pride in their responsibilities!

Happy side effects:  One-on-one time with each child.  Cleaner house.  They made less mess to begin with.  There was less complaining because it was right there, on the list (I wasn't 'picking' on someone all the time).

They learn responsibility and important life skills.  I have more sanity and time for other projects, me time, and spouse time.  Win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win.  And the baby will have a system to grow up in.  Add another win there in a few months.

Happy mom, that's me!

To Donate or Not to Donate, That is the Question.

Hold on.

Hear me out.

Imagine with me for a minute...

It's that time again: Christmas, birthday, spring cleaning, your closet is overflowing, you can't afford the storage unit anymore or find yourself contemplating a bigger one.  You've decided it's time to get rid of some stuff.

You unlock the lock, throw open the doors and behold: the Mountain of Stuff.  Boxes and boxes of it.  Some of it is from last week, some from last year, some from 30 years ago, some from the Mesozoic Era.  Plastic boxes, cardboard boxes, metal boxes. Some black or silver or white garbage bags.  You well and truly don't even know what's there exactly.  What are you going to do with it?  Toss. Keep. Donate. 

You think to yourself as you open each box, Oh, I remember this!  What a great time we had together.  I guess I don't need it anymore.  But it must still be useful!  I'll donate it. Someone will want it.

Stop. Hold it right there.

What are you holding?  Clothing?  An old toy?  A book?  A piece of furniture?  An 8-track player?  A holey (that is NOT misspelled) shoe?  A sock with no mate?  An archaic piece of technology?

Is it REALLY going to help someone in need?  Or is it just going to get some treasure-to-you-trash-to-everyone-else guilt off your chest?  Will it help someone survive or live better, or will it just add to a pile of useless junk in someone else's closet or even the store because no one will pay money for it??

What brought this on?  It is natural to wonder.  I'll tell you.

My kids' toys.

It happens naturally enough.  They get a toy from a friend or family member.  They love it for a few hours, days, months, or the lucky toys even get a few years.  Inevitably, the toys lose their appeal and drift to sundry bedroom corners or sink to the bottom of the toy box.  Vital pieces go missing (or are eaten, ha).

"But!" you say.  "We have memories here!  I can't just throw our memories in the trash!  If this such-and-such is used by someone else, our memories will be preserved, honored, remembered!"

Um. Yeah. No. Not really.

They won't have your memories.  Your memories belong to you.  They're pretty much meaningless to most everyone else, and that's fine.

You know what that stuff is doing in your house, to your house?  To your psyche?  To your soul??

Who has heard the backpack/rocks/sin parable?  Raise of hands?  Great!   Well, it doesn't just pertain to sin.

The stuff we accumulate weighs on our minds.  It stops us in our tracks physically and emotionally and spiritually.  The more you have to keep track of, the less brainpower you have to dedicate to other (some would say more important) things or people.

So I'm going to get rid of these extra toys that the kids don't even ask about anymore, that don't have all their pieces, and even some that require batteries that I don't feel like spending the money to replace.  And seeing as how most of it got to us because someone else didn't want it either, I'm going to toss it in the trash and not feel even one tiny inkling of guilt about it.

Because sometimes, your trash is everybody else's trash too.

And you know what the kids are going to do?  Mostly nothing.   They won't even notice that stuff is gone.  If they do notice, it will be in passing.  I will answer honestly when they ask me if I know where it is, "No, I don't know exactly where it is."  Then they will forget.

Oh, and they'll be running around the house with huge grins on their faces because, unbeknownst to them, they were weighed down by all the stuff they had to choose from to play with, and suddenly they feel much better.  They won't know why, but they'll be happier.  And I like happy children.

So next time you find yourself getting ready to donate something, please ask yourself if it is truly worth donating, or if it is more honorable to take a picture (with a camera or just your mind) and let it rest in peace.



Arienne

Finding the Joy Again

For the past while, I've been feeling... Not so great about being a mom. Most of the time, I felt ambiguous at best, and, at worst, like running away and leaving them behind. This is really off for me, as I've wanted to be a mom since I was old enough to know I could be someday. Also, while every mother has those moments, or even days, when she wishes life were different, it was now the rule for me instead of the exception.

For a long time, I don't think I even noticed. Then I recognized it, but I was still too bogged down in my own drama to try to change anything. Then it started to bug me, but because I couldn't see how to change, I just felt worse. Then it bothered me enough that I wanted to change enough to put forth whatever effort was required. Then I hit my knees and prayed... And help started coming at me in rapid fire succession!

First came comments from other mothers (real and fictional) who not only loved their kids, and being with them, but almost basked in their childish craziness! Yeah, right, I thought.

Then I had a really bad day with them, and my mom said something like, "They're languishing from lack of attention from their mother." Ouch. So I cried and prayed some more.

On Sunday, the lesson was based on the talk by Elder Oaks on Desire. Through the lesson, I realized that my actions weren't reflecting what I wanted my priorities to be, and I didn't feel the way I wanted to feel about my life. Luckily, I also learned how to fix it!

"... We should begin with a desire for such qualities and call upon our loving Heavenly Father for help with our feelings."

So I did. And I'm happy to report that I have made a lot of progress this last week in rediscovering my love for my children and motherhood, my good temper, my personal parenting style, and the ability to hear and act on in-the-moment inspiration. I've been able, perhaps for the first time, to successfully balance loving affection with firm, gentle discipline, and see the rewards. I'm grateful to finally be on the right path.

I know Heavenly Father loves me. He knows who I am capable of becoming, and how to get me there. He stands ready and willing to help me as soon as I'm ready to ask for it. I'm grateful for the Atonement, and how it allows me to sponge away the follies and sins of my past and create a better, brighter future.

Here's a link to the talk by Elder Oaks:

Elder Oaks - Desire
- Arienne

Life is beautiful...

So, I had a baby. She's lovely and perfect, and the easiest baby I've ever had.  She already does a 5 hour stint at night (the tough part is it doesn't start until midnight), doesn't mind being put down, and even demands free time on the floor!  She sociable and chatty, and loves a clean diaper, although she doesn't much like getting dressed or undressed.  I don't remember how long it took Tristan to go blonde, but it looks as though we might just have a brunette!  And of course her eyes are blue, though what kind of blue is still a mystery.

Tristan is doing well. He listens in on Kael's school lessons, and sometimes comes up with the answers before Kael. Yikes! He knows how to sing the alphabet, and can recognize all the letters, lower- and upper-case. He can also count to about 13 without skipping, and then proceeds to 40, skipping the numbers that end in 3, 4, and 5.  He can also tell you what sounds certain letters make.  I don't know how I'm going to keep him intellectually interested until he's old enough to start kindergarten!

Kael is loving online school at home, which we do through the AZVA.  He just wasn't socially ready for public school, but has proven repeatedly and beyond doubt that he's smart enough.  He recently took a state standards test, and scored WAY above what was needed for E (the highest grade) in all but one category, in which he got an E but was being a perfectionist and so he didn't get as far.  It's been fun to watch him as he learns, seeing the light come on, and the excitement for learning in his eyes.  We'll definitely be doing this again next year.

Elizabeth came home for school for this semester, too.  It was what I wanted, but in the end, she wanted it too, citing many reasons: she was often bored in school (sounds familiar... and who knew?), the kids were naughty a lot and it bugged her, especially when they got her in trouble too, she wanted to be able to sleep in, and she wanted to learn at her own pace.  It's only been a week, but so far, we both love it. It took me a couple of days to get a good rhythm, but it's coming together, and I think we're going to have a lot of fun.

Yesterday, I hit the six week mark postpartum, and started to exercise again. I started with some DDR (Dance Dance Revolution), until I get a little more in shape, and then I'll start running to train for the marathon with my dad.  Also, I re-entered the singles scene on New Year's Eve with a dance for the YSA's in our area. I went with my brother, Rhydon.  I had a lot of fun, just meeting a bunch of new people and dancing to music that I didn't recognize, but had a good beat.  Except for a few songs that were remixes of songs I knew when I was "young;" I'm so old!!!  I even danced with a few cute guys my age.

So that's life for us right now.  Hope all of you are doing well too!

Happy New Year!

When Life Gives You Pumpkins

We've all heard the phrases. Cliche, quaint, overused phrases people use when bad things happen.

Every cloud has a silver lining.
When God closes a door, he opens a window.
When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

But what about when life hands you pumpkins?  And sometimes, that window is really high off the ground.  And it sure is hard to see silver when there's no sun shining.

That's when it's time to turn to Heavenly Father.  He knows when the sun will shine, He knows what to do no matter what life hands you, and He knows how you're supposed to get out that window, whether it's climbing down the fire escape, or grabbing on to Him and flying.  And I'm ready to make some pumpkin pie.

I will soon begin a new chapter in my life as a single mother.  To start, I'll be taking the kids and moving back in with my wonderful, supportive parents in Arizona.  And that means getting rid of a lot of stuff, and starting fresh. I'm going to have a HUGE yard sale (or two), so if you're in the Rexburg area, be sure and stop by!  Everything must go! Liquidation sale! Going out of business!

It wasn't easy getting here, but I know that He understands, and is with me every step of the way.  And with faith in every footstep, I'll go where He wants me to go.

P.S.  Along these lines, I have changed my blog address. This won't affect those of you who are already following my blog, or who get email updates when I post something new. But it is different, and I hope will symbolize this new phase of my life. It is http://sweet-hour-of-prayer.blogspot.com/.

I can see clearly now...

... but it has nothing to do with the rain!


Today I took Elizabeth and Kael to the eye doctor for the first time.  Last Saturday, Elizabeth started complaining that her vision was fuzzy, and that her eyes hurt.  It was much upon those years that I got my first pair of glasses, so I couldn't poopoo her complaint. It was too late however to call then, and it was a holiday weekend, so I was pounded with inquiries and reminders all weekend about calling the doctor.  To determine if it was for real a little on our own, Matt found an online test for eyesight not much different from the doctor type, and of course everyone had to try it (at least the ones who knew their alphabet).  Kael had some problems, too.

So first thing Tuesday morning, I made the appointments for Elizabeth and Kael.  And today we went.

Kael got to go first. We all went to the first room where they have that really cool table that rotates to all the different diagnostic instruments. The kids only got to use 2 of them, the "binoculars" and the one where you stare at a picture.  After Kael, was Elizabeth, and then we all went to the examination room.  Kael hopped up in the exam chair with great enthusiasm. It turned out to be kind of an involved process because it turns out Kael is VERY far-sighted!  This surprised me, as I am very near-sighted, but I have since learned that my dad is far-sighted, so there you go.  The doctor even dilated Kael's eyes because the eyes were compensating so much that it was skewing the prescription.  He got his glasses today, and he looks great!

Elizabeth was next. It didn't take nearly as long, because it turns out, ironically, that she doesn't need glasses at all. She's "practically perfect in every way."  She was very upset, however, that she didn't get glasses! So Matt took her to a dollar store and got her some cool reading glasses in the lightest prescription possible.  She looks good too, but I'm not sure I'd be okay if she actually needed to wear them all the time.

Kael is very happy with his new vision, and if he knew the song, he'd probably sing: "I can see clearly now my glasses are on! I can see all obstacles in my way!" Hahahaha.