Friday, June 15, 2012

Goin' Courtin': I have a secret...

Psst... Come here... I have a secret to tell you...

I can fall in love with any man I want.

Oh, I know you're shocked.  From our earliest days we're constantly fed fairytales and romance novels and romantic comedy movies that make it seem like love should be instantaneous, or at least quick. There is only one (or maybe two) people who will work for you as a long-term partner.  And if it doesn't work between two people, they just weren't right for each other-- they weren't "the One."  Or, if you botch it with that one right person, you're doomed to a lifetime of loneliness or second-rate relationships.

Bull.  Codswallop.  Rubbish.  Baloney.  Hogwash.

Love is a choice.

Most, if not all, people in successfully long-term relationships will tell you that.  After a while, that initial falling-in-love buzz wears off.  You start seeing their flaws.  They see yours.  You fight.  Then you choose to go back, make up, and make it work.

Again and again.

Over and over.

And those people are most often the happiest and most content people we know.

So, why not choose from the beginning?

In reality, we DO all choose.  Mostly this is done by look, or sometimes gut feelings.  We decide we don't like the look of them, or their attitude, or we get a little further and we don't like their job, or their friends, or their hobbies.  Online dating sites let us be even MORE picky, as our potential mates fill out information on kids, values, religion, hobbies, goals, politics, and any other myriad number of things. And once we get through all of that, we decide we can give this one or that one a chance.  We choose.

But, Arienne, that is SO un-romantic.  

Actually, it's the most romantic idea to grace the stage.  How is that possible?  In the end, don't we ALL want someone to say to us, "I choose you. If every man/woman in the world were standing before me, and I could have any one I wanted, I would choose you."  We choose.

But what if you choose someone, and you have irreconcilable differences?

There's no such thing, not for real, mature adults.  ANYthing can be worked out. Any problem can be solved. Any objection can be overcome.  We just have to grow up, which I know is a foreign concept to many.  However, there it is.  We choose.

So how do you decide who you want?

It's going to be different for every person. And in the end, you just need to know in your heart, in your gut, that it's the right choice. Then, once you've made the choice, really and truly commit to it. Live it. Make that choice again and again and again.  When you both do that, it will work.

Now I need to go pick one. :)

Happy courtin'!